Holistic Living · Personal · Soulful

The silence of pain

Sometimes I can write forever, the words just flow and there is no thought process needed. Other times the thinking takes over and I cannot express myself very well.
Usually, when I am quiet it’s because I am working through something, dissolving a situation, finding the lesson.
I am vocal on my success but why do I hide the learning process, why is bearing pain and discomfort so shameful? Why do I work through it in silence and not scream from the fucking rooftops that I am hurting, learning, bearing my soul?
Mostly because people don’t give a fuck. I mean, let’s be honest we all have so much of our own shit going on, it’s kind of draining to have to worry about someone else’s shit. Also, because people find discomfort in pain like we aren’t meant to feel it, show it. That it is in some way weak of us.
Well, let me tell you, my friend, that those who deal with their pain instead of burying it walk away much happier and lighter in the end. The journey may be harder but oh the reward of letting go in the end.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been learning a hard lesson in self-worth. Figuring out what I believe I am worth and what I feel I deserve in some way. Knowing all the “bad” parts of me, facing them, acknowledging them, and still saying I love you to myself is tough. It’s one of the hardest journeys of self-love, I suck at it, but I keep working on it. I’ve felt like I am too much, I’ve had to own up to being too much, attracting too much, putting up with too much.
Accepting my flaws, working on improving them and not hiding my dark but rather embracing it with my light.

I saw a post the other day that said, “practising self-love is not as romantic as people make it out to be. There’s more self-discipline, painful healing and behaviour correcting than bubble baths and trips out to the country alone”.

I guess what I am trying to say is that the times we are silent are usually when we are in the most pain, in the toughest part of our journey and when we should be braver in acknowledging it and embracing it. Feel that pain, work through that pain. Don’t silence it. Because once you have truly felt it, faced it and let it go, it cannot come back and hurt you ever again.

Peace, Love & Pogo Sticks


Holistic Living · Personal · Soulful

Defining Moments

I look back at my journey over the last couple years and there are these moments, moments I knew instantly that changed me.


One of the earlier ones was while visiting my homoeopath, the fabulous Dr. Taryn Turner about 4 or 5 years ago, being treated for a then ulcer. She brought up Lousie Hay and a being a massive fan and believer, was intrigued by what she took from it, but funnily enough, we didn’t just touch of the metaphysics of the ulcer, we actually took a look into my crazy OCD.
Like crazy, I would colour code my pegs, tins facing the same way, repack dishwasher (I still do this), colour coded cupboard kind of OCD. She said I was projecting a “perfect” outside life because I was so unhappy inside, I disliked myself. She was 100% correct, I loathed myself.

The ulcer was treated homeopathically and it healed. I couldn’t get what she had said out of my mind and I think without even realising it, my journey actually started right there. I started doing more things for me, I changed my job and started my school, stayed home with my kids. I still drank and partied a lot. But less than I used to. I was still drowning so many emotions, projecting them onto everyone around me.  But being home and looking within, I started letting go of the small thing. My kids once told me while homeschooling that I was ruining their life by colour coding the crayons. “Just let us be kids and put it where we want,” I think were the words my son used. He’s a smart young man.
The OCD started letting up. Slowly but surely, It wasn’t easy to be around me, shit I was a royal mess, but I was coming right.

Those 2 years played an instrumental part in me starting my school and igniting a passion. The more I worked for me, the better me I became. I was still drowning emotions and jolling too much.

I ended my relationship and popped into another one. The rest is pretty much all that happened mentioned in my last blog post –  the-day-i-lost-my-shit-and-found-myself.

After starting with Carol, the big moments happened. I guess moments had been happening all along, I was just not open to acknowledging them.

I was in a Reiki session with Natasha Hull and she picked up on some trust issues, basically what I took from what she said was that I didn’t give second chances very easily and if you fuck up, that’s it, I will never trust you again. This is very true. Also not really very fair right? We are only human, after all. The actual defining moment was when she said “And you’ve never given yourself second chance either”
BOOOM BITCH. I still get chills when I think of that moment. I knew how badly I fucked up in my life. I knew how hectic my childhood was and I was still blaming so many people and not forgiving enough. Especially not forgiving myself.

That night I gave myself a second chance.

I started healing broken relationships, forgiving others, putting up boundaries to protect myself with love and started forgiving myself. This is still a work in progress, I still beat myself up all the time, but I’m an easier person to work with now. I actually like myself now.

Another crazy wild moment was over the phone with a complete stranger (well Facebook contact) and we were chatting about getting a botanist for my upcoming Career Expo and somehow he said these words,
“Fear is the abuse of one’s own imagination”

Tears silently streamed down my face. I not only heard those words, I felt them. I felt them deep and I felt them hard. Fear is a mutha fucker I wasn’t happy to have to face.

The bitch hurt like hell. I was so scared of change.
But I knew that the fear of staying the same was far greater than the fear of change and it had to be done.

Carol refers to a ‘Gate Story’. She tells it as her walking down to the gate as a little girl. Its late afternoon, she locks the gate and turns to walk back to the house. As she walks it gets a little darker as the sun is setting, her heart beats a little faster and she walks a little faster. There’s a noise in the trees, startled, she walks even faster as her heart beats through her chest. Basically, she runs back inside, petrified, looks back and realises there was nothing to be scared of, why was she running? She had convinced herself there was something to fear. And her body reacted to those thoughts.
Our minds in connection with the Universe are so incredibly powerful that we can turn thought into action instantly. We convince ourselves of fears that do not even exist because we are too afraid to face them. We run with our hearts beating through our chest over something we thought up in our heads. If this is our reaction to fear, imagine what we could do with good thoughts?

Facing fears isn’t easy, but there is a trick, when you realise you don’t actually have to fight them, only accept them, you kinda gel together in this yin-yang vibe. It’s about loving the good and being at peace with the bad. I am perfectly me. Good and bad in harmony.

There have been so many moments that have changed me. That have changed the dynamics of my family, my relationship and those around me. And as I grow there will be a million more.

Don’t fight the fear, the forgiveness, the imperfect you. Love yourself unconditionally.

You are perfectly you.

Peace, love & pogo sticks,


Personal · Soulful · Uncategorized

The day I lost my shit and found myself

I’ve lost my shit numerous times, I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve lost control and thrown something across the room in anger or frustration.

But this specific evening, I remember as clear as daylight.

It was a pot of butternut and I threw it from the kitchen into the lounge because I was carrying so much fucken baggage that I just couldn’t cope anymore. The moment it happened I knew, this was the moment my life had to change.
My boyfriend who I only knew for just under a year shocked at my meltdown, and definitely not standing for it.

That night I decided to see someone. I was at the Doctor the next day and straight onto a course of anti-depressants. Although they helped me cope bit by bit, day by day, I knew I wasn’t going to be on them for long, I couldn’t, I just wasn’t me.
Two weeks later I was off them and had a session with a Soul Coach.

That day started a journey of finding me.

I didn’t seem to think there was anything hectic that had been going on in my life. I mean, I had left a failed relationship and got into another one, I had only known him for under a year by this stage, but knew I loved him with all that I am, I don’t fully understand it but it’s right. We had had just bought a house together, papers signed, not official yet.
My children’s father had passed away that year. I was running my school, raising the kids alone and not coping with my emotions. Emotions that went back to me being 5 years old.

So I start on sessions every two weeks with my Soul Angel Carol. I do the homework, as stubborn as I am, I listen. I fail about 1000 times but I persevere. I stare at my self every day in the mirror and rattle off morning validations to myself. Its bull shit at first but then I actually start to hear myself, I believe myself. My life starts changing.
Lots of fights with my other half, my uncle passing away (he was a father to me growing up), battling through pain with the gallbladder issue I was politely ignoring. I fucken persevere.

Every thought immediately starts becoming my reality, I am in control again, I found a missing piece of me and it feels so good. My school runs well, a few hiccups, things that could have been handled better but all in all it goes well. Lessons at every turn. I see them, I acknowledge them. It’s not easy but I carry on.
I am writing letters, burning letters, meditating, cleansing baths every night, going to yoga religiously, crying my fucken guts out at all hours, working through the pain as hard as it gets, I persevere. I take my biggest leap of faith and open Dusty Daisy. My heart is full. I have found so much of me again and I fucken love it. I love me.

And just as I think everything has become easier, the lessons get harder, the onion peels another layer. I do the work. Sometimes I even pretend to do the work and then the lesson turns around and kicks my fucken ass for trying to take shortcuts, but I learn quickly and I stop fighting the flow. I persevere.

My businesses are both doing well, I work through each hiccup, I fuck up more, I learn more. I’ve realised it is the journey, not the destination and I relax.
I released and let go of so much that I began to withdraw inside myself because am so content with me. I may have cut a few ties that weren’t absolutely necessary but I have certainly learnt to put up boundaries well. Still working on practising the pause but I think I have definitely improved. Some people will disagree haha I’m stubborn, I know it, I’m emotional, I get it. But I like this version of me, we get along well.

After my recent surgery, I started looking deeper into the meaning of Pride, Bitterness and Hard thoughts.

What could be causing me to be so bitter? Everyone tries to live their lives the best way using what they’ve been given and conditioned. They may hurt us in the process. And we can see that holding on to that resentment and bitterness ain’t doing us any good.

Let go of the anger. Soften our hearts- forgive. In forgiving the other person, we also forgive ourselves. We forgive ourselves for making the mistake of trusting and loving the person. It’s time to learn from the mistake and betrayal and move on in life. Look around- there is still a lot of goodness in the world. They are many others who are kind and love us- let’s not make a bad experience ruin life for us.

I know that loving myself and learning is an everyday thing, I know that there will always be something to work on. I preserve and I keep letting go.  I appreciate my family and friends so much more, I acknowledge my part in everything.

I am not a perfect human, but I am perfectly me.

Peace, love & pogo sticks




Family · Holistic Living · Life Advice · Mom Life · Personal · Soulful

My hospital bed vacay

So, ordinarily, one would never put hospital and vacay into the same sentence but here’s why I think it works…

After a vacation, you usually feel well rested, rejuvenated, you come back with a new outlook on life, in good spirits and with some new founded spiritual spring in your step. A hospital stay, not so much. It’s generally a stressful time and you don’t really put much thought into why you had to be put in that predicament, rather “why me”.

And that’s exactly how I felt, until tonight that is. As I sit here in bed, unable to sleep, over thinking everything, I came to some pretty deep conclusions.

Literally days before I went into the hospital, I was whining at my family about how they wouldn’t cope a day without me, how I do everything and they wouldn’t even manage one bloody day. Mental note reminder *The Universe hears, the Universe gives*.

Fast forward a week later, I’m out of the hospital after an unplanned, standard surgical procedure. Now if you know me well enough. or just slightly for that matter, you will know I am a horrid control freak.

So my best half and kids and even dogs for that matter are thrilled to see me. They are waiting on me hand and foot ensuring I get the rest my Doctor is so adamant I need. Our housekeeper proudly tells me that the house has actually been really clean and they’ve all picked up after themselves. And its been super quiet, and I think to myself, Am I the chaos? Am I the mess? I ignore that thought cause I’m the glue dude, I am the glue that holds this ship together. The better half does the shopping, the preschool pick-up, drops the housekeeper and builder and within seconds like he hadn’t even left yet, I am up, starting the dinner process getting the kids all doing their afternoon chores so the ship can sail like clockwork again. I’m sternly reprimanded and I sit my ass back down to catch up on some admin. (I literally cannot keep still, it’s a curse). I get asked for some advice regarding my amazing pesto pasta and I jump at the opportunity to push everyone aside and just take control. Note, no one asked for my help, merely some advice. In my haste, I make my best half feel like he’s doing a shoddy job with dinner. I dampen everyone’s vibe at how well they had managed without me and all because my ego felt like it wasn’t needed.
And the truth is, I am not needed, Hell I am so flipping wanted, loved and adored by my beautiful family and friends, but I certainly am not needed for survival *insert bruised ego*.

The biggest eye-opener was *shock horror* was that my family not only coped without me, but they also pulled their shit together and flourished. They formed new bonds with each other, they cut their own personal crap out the way and did what needed to be done, and here I was adding the chaos, in true Tash style because I needed to be in control.

So lying awake while my army of loved ones are fast asleep, happy that I am home, I got thinking about my mini hospital vacay. Not only did I require a medical procedure, not only did my family need to learn to cope without me, and do so with such ease, but so many other things came into play in that short time.

Thinking of my hospital room-mates, sweet church mouse Aunty Jenny, who I probably ignited a massive fire inside of because she let people walk all over her will go back to her family and stop being their doormat because, in one short week, that woman changed, and it may have been my doing. Thinking of beautiful Mrs M doing her morning prayers facing the window with the sun beaming on her face, she didn’t give a fuck who was in that room, she was making sure she gave her thanks and gratitude.  The amazing staff who give up their days and nights and time with their family to serve us, who literally waited on my every beck and call, what true heroes, Especially Simphwe, shit he made a great cup of tea with his bouncing around the ward just starting each day with the biggest smile. That guy!
Thinking of the people I never looked upon as friends, popping in to visit me, so many messages of love and support for something so simple. It gave me a solid feeling of love and hope and a clear indication of what I really should allow into my life.

As for my family, tomorrow I try harder to give up the control I so badly need for my own ego so that they know how much I need them, so they know how capable and strong they really are. So that I can rest well and take my place back on my throne, stronger and healthier than before.

Champagne & Confetti


P.S.  I’m a firm believer that illness however mild or severe is an indicator of your emotional state, caused by your thoughts and focus. Interesting that Gallstones are connected to Bitterness. Hard thoughts. Condemning. Pride. 

Lesson Aced 😉 Sit down ego. I’ve got this.


Career · Personal · Practical · Social

Why thrift?

I have been thrifting for as long as I can remember. Rummaging through second-hand stores to find the best bargains, and then finding the absolute gold of my treasure hunt. Scrounging through dusty second-hand garments and the excitement of finding a one of a kind gem. From my very first find, I was hooked.

Thrifting is such a way of life for me, that sometimes I cannot even fathom why people only buy new. This is a constant personal struggle between my other half and I. Which is why I thought I would share why I believe thrifting is a moral responsibility.


The Environment.

Second-hand clothes reduce waste and pollution. Every item reused or repurposed means one less produced. Producing synthetic fibres like polyester requires a lot of energy, as well as crude oil; not to mention toxic gases and chemicals. Sadly, pesticides used on most plants mean that even cotton and linen garments have a negative impact.

One less item thrown away means one less in landfills. Hardy second-hand clothes that are good quality, washed well in natural mean will last a good 3 to 4 users, meaning one less item in the trashcan.

American’s send an average of 10.5 million tons of clothing to landfills every year.


Social Impact

Is the corporation behind the brand new item you bought, the kind you want to support? Trace the brand back the assembly factories used, their textile providers, and those textile providers’ raw materials suppliers. Was the farmer using environmentally responsible methods? Was your seamstress of legal working age, paid a fair wage to work in a safe factory? Can you track the money you handed over?

Have you thought of the impact of your seemingly trivial purchase? With thrifting, this burden is greatly reduced. For the most part, the original purchaser’s money has already supported the whole chain of production that led to your second-hand top. Since most thrift stores rely heavily upon donations, this means you only have to question one link in the whole chain—the store right in front of you.

Many thrift shops support charities. By shopping here, your clothing purchase can go from supporting Third World child labour to supporting Third World childrens’ education.

Image result for clothing factories

Personal Gain

Second-hand clothes are usually of much higher quality, Its already been through one user and it hasn’t fallen apart so the chances are that if you look after it, It will last you too. We all know the heartbreak of a brand new shoe breaking the first time you’ve worn it. Secondhand stores sift through the items that aren’t wearable and are usually donated as scrap material and not disposed of in landfills.

Thrifting is cheaper. I have no shame in my thrift game and I am always proud to announce that the beautiful dress getting some many compliments was only R20. I’m sure I don’t need to explain why saving money is better for you. Most of the time you can find a genuine designer garment at a fraction of the time.

Thrifting enables you to show your uniqueness and creativity. Mismatched wacky items that you would normally never look at, you are able to transform into a head turn ensemble.

“If Being Original Adds To Your Personal Style, Then Surely An Expensive High-Street Store Is Your Worst Enemy. However, Thrift Shops Should Be Your Best Friend.”

Image result for charity thrift shops


In short, there is really no reason for you not to buy second hand. Even if you don’t enjoy the experience of thrifting yourself, support a local business (hint hint) that thrifts for you ❤

Peace, Love and Pogo Sticks,



Ambition · Goals · Holistic Living · Life Advice · Personal · Practical · Relationships · Soulful

It’s a new year, Bla Bla

So the much anticipated 2018 has arrived. Full of hope, promises, and inspiration. The truth is that this year is no different to last, We didn’t need a glass of champagne at midnight for us to make changes and be better people, accomplish amazing things and kick ass. The harsher truth is, that if you weren’t prepared to do those things and be that person at any stage during 2017, the chances are, you won’t change anything this year either. And yeah that may dampen your kiff new year vibe, but you really didn’t need a new year to start being the best you possible. You just needed to face a few truths in life.

I once had this jackass of a boss. He really was a jerk but he taught me 2 very important things. one was about a Career Limiting Move and the other was that people don’t change unless the fear of change is less than the fear of staying the same. It wasn’t until much later in life, did I actually even realise the magnitude of those two lessons.

So here is my thing, No one is ever going to change, be it spiritually, mentally, career-wise, in your relationship, anywhere, ever until the fear of being that person is less than change. Change is fucking scary, but fear only exists in our hearts and minds so, in reality, there is nothing scary about change, we just make excuses so that we don’t have to face any pain, do anything differently, or put any more effort into anything.

So why wait for a New Year, because we like to fool ourself that we can be better without doing any work. Like we can heal hurt without ever dealing with it and letting it go. We can face fears without ever facing our demons. But news flash, none of that shit is ever going to happen, until YOU do the work. You cannot love and be loved until you love yourself. You cannot be successful if you don’t believe in yourself. You cannot change until you realise that you need to change and that being the person you currently are is more fearful than changing.


But I’m not all Harsh truths and gloom, none of those Near Year aspirations will ever become reality if we don’t praise ourselves either. Take a little time to tell yourself just how fucken strong you are to have survived 2017, That you have done good and shit is okay. That you are a good mom, a good person, a success. Because if you don’t cheer for yourself, who else will?

So Let go of that Hurt, Face those Demons, Cheer for yourself and Fuck Fear. And don’t wait another year to be the person you were born to be.


Do that shit now


Peace, Love and Pogo Stick





Ambition · Entrepreneur · Family · Goals · Life Advice · Mom Life · Personal · Soulful

Hello December 

It’s been a super hectic year. I cannot even begin to describe it, except to say it’s paced 🤣. The year flew past with so many ups and downs. With new editions and exciting celebrations I achieved and learnt so much.

Im always grumpy at the end of November. Ending a school year is bitter sweet. It’s so stressful to get everything done and tied up and getting all the students enrolled for the new year so i can rest easy over the holidays. 

And then there is the fact that I have to say goodbye to some students which utterly breaks heart. Even though some stay, it’s the ending of a period of time we once knew each other because next year not I not them will stay the same. The impact 12 months will take on your heart from these little shits is unreal, hell 1 month will do that to me.
I just hope they know just how important they are and how far they will go. 

I started a new buisness. That scares the living bejesus outta me because my hobby is having hobbies and i never finish most things that I start and every single day I fear I will quit this because bleh, but quitting this dream would kill me inside so I have to push and i have to do this and that scares the shit out of me cause we all know quitting is easy.

So tomorrow brings the launch of the new business. One my friends and family have made me feel so proud of. Super excited and stupidly nervous all at the same time. And it brings the final friday of our school year. We get to do our favourite secret santa swop (in the form of weird socks) and do some sporty activities and spend this final day with all of us together. 

As we step into this festive time of giving and sharing, meeting new people and seeing people we haven’t for a long time. Feel proud of how far you came this year. Just look at you, you did good. Feel gratitude for the small things you have and can do with your friends and family. 

And most of all, put your feet up and relax.

Peace, love and pogo sticks